Sunday, August 7, 2011

Not MY kid!!!! Help needed with this one!!!

I am about to touch a very touchy subject with all mothers and more then anything I am looking forward to views, advice and any opinions whether good or bad. Please don't hold back as I am really interested in how this situation is taken by others and what you would do.

So here is the line up:
Girl A: 5 yrs old, only child, known to be sassy and have a potty mouth
Girl B: 5 yrs old, youngest of 3 and only girl, sweet and sassy at times
Girl C: 7 yrs old, youngest of 2 girls, sweet and sassy at times.

So now picture all 3 with their families at an outdoor bbq. It begins raining at the bbq and girl C's family has brought 4 umbrellas(enough for their whole family) and girl B's family has no umbrellas and girl A's family has 2 umbrellas. Family C has decided to be kind enough to share their umbrellas and have squeezed themselves under 2 umbrellas to share the other 2 they have with the other families.  Girl C gets upset that she can not use her umbrella because girl A and B are both using it. Parents of C tell her to stop being selfish and that she did a nice thing sharing. She stops pouting and the day moves on.  After several more hours of girl C playing with girl B's brothers we head home thinking we had a lovely time and all was great.

24 hours later: Mom B writes an email to Mom C and explains how painfull it is to her to even write the email but she felt she just had to. Mom B went on to talk about how she did not want to have to choose friends over this and is hoping it can be resolved. She then goes on to say that she personally heard girl C tell girl A word for word "you are mean and nasty and you can't be friends with girl B and I"  and then went on to say that girl A's father claimed he heard girl C say to girl A "I don't like you because your fat".  As Mom C is reading this she is getting more and more upset at the fact that her daughter might have said such horrible things and at the same time she can't shake the feeling that the girl they are talking about said these horrible things is also the same girl who refuses to say the word "stupid" because she has been taught it is a bad word.  Mom C confronts girl C and asks her what happened and girl C says " I told girl A I didn't want to be her friend"  Now this is very believable to Mom C because she caught her saying it once before and read her the riot act over it and hadn't heard it since.  Now Mom C is not an idiot and knows it is very possible that her dear little angel has heard these words from other kids and very well may have used them in a way she heard them but has this nagging feeling about the whole thing.
First of all, if Mom B heard girl C say something so horrible why would she not have said something righ then and there to Mom C since she was sitting a few feet away from her?
Second, when Mom C asked girl C if she said "I don't like you because your fat?" girl C looked at her very puzzled and said "why would I say that?" to which Mom C said " do you understand what fat means" and girl C said " well yeah we learned in school like bacon is fat but why would you say that to a person not food"  So now Mom C is confused as to why her child would even say someting to someone else that she didn't even understand.
Third, Mom C is left with this nagging feeling that no parent heard anything and all of this crap is coming from Girl A because she does not like the fact that girl B is friends with both of them and not just hers. This is totally believable to Mom C because she has been through 2 5 yr old girls herself and could totally see a 5 yr old saying this especially one that is known to have a potty mouth and be sassy and get upset with other kids when they don't play with her or do things she wants them to do.

So now Mom C is left with this nagging feeling of who is telling the truth and who is not. Does she keep the other kids away from hers to keep this ever from happening?  Does she confront the other moms and ask who actually heard it and risk them lying to her face anyway?  Does she just give up on the friendships and count as their loss and move on?

Please give me your answers...good, bad or ugly I want them all!!!


Dazee Dreamer said...

wow. I think mom B way overreacted. Little kids say things all the time. One minute they are worst enemies and will never "play with you ever again" and then the next day they are walking down the street holding hands.

And if mom A has a problem with mom C then she needs to talk to her about it, not mom B. God this is confusing.

But that's just me. I could be totally wrong.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Gosh, talk about your no win scenarios!!!

It's been my painful experience, that bratty kids come from bratty parents. (Monkey see, monkey do!) And they seem to be the ones that cause most of the trouble too!!!!

My two cents:
1) If your daughter didn't know what "fat" meant, I doubt she said it. You know her better than anyone else on the planet - go with your gut.

2) Unless a child is causing/about to cause real physical harm or is participating in bully, or other strongly negative behavior...let 'em work it out themselves! Parents will make a bigger deal out of this than it is to the kids! And how will they ever learn any conflict resolution skills if their parents always set in for them??

3) We teach our kids right from wrong...and sometimes they get it right and sometimes they get it wrong. Loving patience, guidance and unconditional support will earn their trust, and therefore their respect. No child wants to disappoint their parents!! Reinforce what is and isn't acceptable conduct with peers, and let the little squabbles go!

Betting the kids forget about this longggg before the parents do!!

Anonymous said...

Personally, if losing these other parents as friends isn't a big deal to mom and dad I'd just cut off the relationship. But then again, I hate drama and am not a big fan of confrontation lol.

I also agree that the kids won't remember in a couple days.

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